Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards

- What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?

- Under same management for over 5765 years.

- Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

-Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

-Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University :
"The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."

-My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.

-An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a living...."
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-A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced,
"I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.
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-Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."