Just a few jokes for the holidays

At a concert in Israel, Bono (the lead singer from U2) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone....'I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
A voice from the front of the audience yells out... 'Nu - so stop clapping.'

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Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He's late for a meeting and he's looking for a parking place, and can't find one. In desperation, he turns towards heaven and says: "God, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I'll eat only Kosher, respect Shabbas, and all the holidays...."
Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him.

He turns his face up to heaven and says:
"Don't bother, God, I've just found one...."
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Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller.
"Two men are madly in love with me !" Goldie says. "Who will be the lucky one ? "
The fortune-teller answers...." Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one. "